This is a note I wrote to my Dad in 2012. None of you will remember but in my process of joining the Catholic Church we had a small ceremony in December of 2011. We watched the cd from his funeral and threw flowers into the pond at the park near our church. It was something I really needed to do but didn’t resolve all of my feelings about my Dad’s death.
Dear Dad, June 14, 2012
I miss you. I don’t know if I am bothered more by not knowing how you really felt about me or that our relationship was broken. I think about you alot and just hope that some of your wisdom is still in my head to pass to my brothers and my children. I do my best to remember the way things were when I was younger and we were all happy. I wish you were here to be a grandpa to my kids and for us to patch our relationship. Life is hard enough without knowing the person you pushed away most you can never heal the relationship. Ben reminds me so much of you. He truly is the best part of you. Everything from his smile to his laugh reminds me of you. I am mad at myself for trying to keep my feelings about your passing bottled up. Does anyone ever really heal from not getting to say good bye? I hope to continue to remember the best of you and never let go of your memory.
I really needed to get this out. I had a dream about Dad the other night but Heather wouldn’t let him talk. I wish I could tell him everything I need to.
I still miss my Dad everyday. I hope these pictures and all the memories I do my best to sure will help you to remember him as I do.
P.S. It was really hard for me to work on this post. I wanted to make sure I wrote something meaningful. Your Uncle Kenny was great to scan all the pictures for me. It was great seeing all the wonderful pictures taken of my Dad over the years. It has taken everything in me to fight back tears as I added all the pictures to this post. I miss my Dad so much but I am happy to remember his smile and am very thankful your Uncle Ben sounds just like him.