Infant losses and wins Pt.2

When I got pregnant with Pippi I was scared because it was not long after my first loss. I wasn’t sure I would get to keep her. I worried about everything. I was worried that she would have 12 toes or fingers. I made it worse by looking at pictures of stillborn babies. I was the most worried about an ectopic pregnancy.  I guess I had a right to worry.

I remember the day before Pippi was born because I thought I was peeing on myself. Thankfully I had a doctors appointment to tell me what was really going on. I was leaking amniotic fluid at 35 weeks. They sent us straight to labor and delivery. It felt like an eternity and no food or sleep until she was born. Thankfully being born at 35 weeks and barely 6 lbs held no serious health problems for Pippi. She was healthy. She was mine and I had no clue what to do with her? Good thing trial and error worked so well.

When I suffered my second loss Pippi was only 4 or 5 months old. I had thought for years that either both of my Fallopian tubes were working properly or one was super tube. That belief started because not long after I became pregnant with Jem. Another normal pregnancy. Normal for me is sick the entire time. I went into the doctors office at 36 weeks and found out I was fully dialated. Jem was born that day a little over 6 lbs and another healthy baby. She was a miracle.

After Jem was born we had hope for more children. Four years later I started to have migraines and found out I was pregnant with Bubbles. Again another normal pregnancy. Bubbles was the most relaxed labor and delivery. We watched the original Night of the Living Dead before the doctor told me it was time to push. The doctor and I argued about this later but for me Bubbles was born at 38 weeks around 8 lbs.  My pregnancy with Duke came as a surprise with him due on Bubble’s birthday a year later.

You can find Duke’s birth story here. He was born premature at 29 weeks weighing 3 1/2 lbs. His arrival scared me so much that I was afraid to have anymore babies. It was scary to think that I could have another preemie or lose another special person. It took years for me to forgive myself and fully understand that I did nothing wrong. After lots of prayers and confession about closing my heart to more children I found myself pregnant again.

Four years later….. Pooh’s announcement came shortly after we found out we would be moving to Washington, DC. Well that and we had donated everything to a prolife clinic. I am still so very thankful that my friends at St. Teresa’s were so happy to throw me a baby shower. They made sure little Pooh would have everything he needed. I remember only being able to eat Klondike bars and kraft Mac and cheese. Because of how premature Duke was I had to start a weekly regiment of progesterone shots. One hematoma is bad two hematoma sis the worst. It was painful but I was willing to do just about anything to keep my baby safe.

Pooh’s labor and delivery was by far the longest. I was scheduled to induce labor at 39 weeks. I always say Pooh did this because my water broke 3-4 hours before I was expected at the hospital. My water broke at 2 or 3 am and he wasn’t born until around 5pm. Scar tissue caused labor to go long. It was caused by a cone procedure as well as an iud placement that took place after Duke’s birth. I regretted the iud not just because it eventual was inbedded in my cervix but because I did it out of fear.  I should have had more trust in God.

Pooh was born a healthy baby with a very healthy appetite. He was ready to nurse as soon as he was born. He was around 7 or 8 lbs.  I really don’t remember because I was more focused on the fact that it was possible for me to give birth and be able to take my baby home with me a couple days later. He was my reassurance.

It wasn’t long before I was expecting another. I am the shining example of you can get pregnant while breastfeeding. I was pretty depressed during my pregnancy. I thought for once I was going to be able to enjoy one baby at a time. That’s where hindsight is 20/20. Only God knew how much I needed these 6 little people in my life. Only God knew how sad I would have been without Baby Kermit. Again during my pregnancy, I was required to take progesterone injections. This time the pain was self inflicted. This process became harder the closer I got to 35/36 weeks. It was either a week or a few days after my last injection that Baby Kermit made his appearance. The only danger being that for the second time my blood pressure dropped a lot when given the epidural. To be honest I don’t remember what time or weight because a week or so later my mom was visiting and ended up in the hospital. She is fine but it’s not something I will ever forget when it comes to Baby Kermits birth story.

I truly believe that God saw my sadness and knew just how my children I needed in my life. I wasn’t always happy about not being in charge of this but I’m very glad. My loss of two gave way for the welcoming of 5 more. My 6 wins. My 6 miracles, I should say 7 because I never thought I would find a man to share my life with. God has blessed me more than I could ever pray for. More than I deserve.

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